Will turned 18 in June.
Chip & I celebrated our 20th anniversary in July.
And I turned 40 in September.
One of those life events led me to an observation I'd like to share with you.
But first, some background info...
After Matthew's death, I did not want any pictures of our family taken. In late 2008 our family had begun the journey to adoption. We received our approval letter in August 2009. In January 2010 we were eagerly awaiting becoming a family of five. Then unexpectedly, in one split second, we were a family of three. I did not want to see any physical documentation of that, so NO photos. It might sound crazy, but it was just something I couldn't bear to see. I hated the number three because it represented what we were and what I didn't want to be.
Through the grief and pain, we struggled with what to do with our dream of adopting a child from foster care. We knew God had led us to adoption, but what were we supposed to do now?!? Our adoption file was officially placed on hold to give us time to figure it out. All the while, I could not bear the thought of us being a family of three.
In May of that year, we took a trip for Chip's birthday weekend. I love birthdays and I love making them special for Chip and my boys. We went to Atlanta for the weekend. Thankfully, my brother Alex was living in the area and was able to join us to take some of the sting out of our first family trip without Matthew. We took in a Braves game and I "allowed" the first picture of us to be taken since Matthew's death. When I look at it now, I see so much pain, exhaustion, and suffering. At the time I thought it was a picture of survival. Little did we know, there was another huge challenge ahead for us. Seven months after the picture was taken, we ended up with Will in a traumatic, dangerous situation and faced the possibility of losing a second child in less than a year.
Those of you who know what our family went through during that time know the miracle God performed and how our family was blessed beyond measure. Out of love and respect for my son, that is all I'm going to share about the experience.
The events of December 2010 were a turning point for us. In the months after Matthew's death, I watched my family slowly fall apart. And I begged God over and over again to save it. The collateral damage from the death of a child is huge and widespread. Pain and destruction were winning with my family and it was horrible.
But one experience changed it all.
From that point on we began to move forward. There were and still are set backs, but December 2010 was the definite turning point. You all know how I believe Romans 8:28 is being lived out in my family, this is just one more example.
In February 2011, we reopened our adoption file.
Our adoption story is painful and hard for me to talk about. We wanted it desperately. And it failed. We did have a child placed with us in the summer of 2011. She was removed from our home a month later. The thing we feared the most happened. And we were done!
I don't know why our adoption process was so hard. I don't know why it didn't work. I don't know if we stepped outside of God's will somewhere along the way. I don't know if Matthew's death changed it. I just don't know.
What I do know is this. Having a child placed with us for just one month and removed changed us. Again, Romans 8:28. After she left, we knew we could be a family of three and be just fine. Suddenly the number three didn't hurt so much after all.
So even though our adoption attempt failed, God used it for good. He used it to teach us that we were okay. And that was a HUGE lesson for this momma.
And I still pray for the child that we lost. I pray she has received the help she needed. I pray she has found a family that can love her the way she deserves to be loved. I pray the broken DSS system has somehow worked for this child.
So after the summer of 2011, we knew we would be a family of three.
And it is okay.
Now, onto my observation...
For Will's birthday in June, we had a small family party. And because I love to have pictures taken of my family again, of course there is a picture of the three of us.
There is a huge difference between 2010 and 2013.
Comparing these two photos, I see God.
I see HIS goodness, mercy and grace.
I see HIS healing.
I see HIS love.
I see a family restored.
And I am thankful beyond measure.
 |
| May 2010 |
 |
| June 2013 |
And I thank God that one day, we will be reunited as a family of four...
For ETERNITY !
