Humbled and Overwhelmed

I have hesitated to write this post.  I never want to appear as though I am seeking praise for the work we do through the Matthew Project.  It started out as something Chip and I felt we had to do.  We needed to make Matthew’s death matter by trying to save other children.  And, God has blessed our efforts, tremendously.  But the truth still remains, no matter how much good comes from our work, I would rather have my son.  And that my friends, will never change.  I am a mom, and given the choice, I would choose to have my son alive and well. 

But, that is not how God has written my story.  And so, our work continues…

As I said, Chip and I felt we had to start the project.  We needed to tell Matthew’s story, make sure other parents knew the risks, and educate children on firearm safety.  It honestly was a survival mechanism to start with.  We had to make something positive come from losing our child.

And then, it changed.  It became a passion, a mission and a calling.  God was in fact calling us to something far bigger than ourselves.  Bigger than anything we had ever imagined.  And it has taken me way out of my comfort zone!

There is a risk in being open and public about our story.  Guns are a controversial subject.  And even though we are not responsible for Matthew’s death, there are stupid people in the world.

And you canNOT fix stupid.

We met one of those people last weekend.  He was rude to one of the ladies working our booth.  Chip tried to speak to him and explain the heart of our mission.  The man refused to listen…and said something horrible to my husband.  Honestly, I don’t know how Chip didn’t punch the man…it was that bad!  This man made an assumption, assumed we left a gun out that killed our child, and said something way out of line.  Yes, this man has a right to feel however he wants about his rights to have his gun unsecured, but he did not have the right to speak to Chip the way he did.  I saw the hurt on my hubby’s face.  And I saw God give him the self-control to walk away from a situation that could have gotten really ugly.

You may wonder why I’m sharing this.  

I’m doing it so you will understand how important the rest of this post is.

We don’t get to see the rewards of the work we do through the Matthew Project.  We have given away thousands of gun locks, but we don’t know how many of them are actually used.  We don’t have a list of children that have actually not been shot because we gave away a gun lock.  We don’t know how many parents don’t get divorced because their child didn’t die and their family wasn’t destroyed.

We just do our work and pray…

My mom always tells me when we get to Heaven; God will have a list of the children and families we saved.  But that doesn’t help when we encounter folks like “Mr. Rudeness” from last weekend.  He wasn’t the first and he won’t be the last.  It is part of the risk, part of what we endure to share our story.  People are passionate about their guns.  It get that…I am married to one of those people! 

But when someone doesn’t listen to what we are saying, 

when they don’t hear that we are gun safety not control (BIG difference),

when they make assumptions, it can get ugly…FAST.  

But God is so infinitely good and so much bigger than the ugliness and stupidity of this world.

And now, the part of the story I have been hesitant to share…

A few weeks ago, God showed me a small glance of the good that comes from the Matthew Project.  HE gave me a fabulous blessing.

A friend of ours was asked to speak for a group of peers…educators in the Horry County School District.  He chose to speak on being inspirational, and he chose to use our story.  

And I am still humbled and overwhelmed.

I do not do this work for attention.  I am learning to seek opportunities for attention on our message, but never attention for myself.  The whole experience made me slightly uncomfortable.  But, by the time it was over, I saw that God had given me a tremendous gift. 

The beginning of the presentation on being inspirational referred to a book by Andy Andrews called The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters.  The description of the book is as follows:

Did you know that one flutter of a butterfly's wings could change weather patterns---and that the minor choices we make could launch ripple effects into the future? Andrews's compelling story about how one man's choice made over 100 years ago affects today's world will inspire you to do the right thing---even when it's difficult.

It is a beautiful book that reminds readers how important every move they make can be.

And then, it was tied into our family’s story.

                The loss of our beloved Matthew…

                The choices we could have made after his death…

                The way our story could have been written…

                And the choice we made to not be destroyed and defeated.

We chose Faith, Hope and Love…

And it was a choice.

I’ve said it before.  After the death of a child there comes a moment when you confront your faith and decide it is either all true or none of it is true.  You know the choice for my family…

God is real and HE is good!

Now, back to my story…

I was able to attend this presentation on being inspirational.  I was able to hear the ‘Butterfly Effect’ discussed.  I was able to hear uplifting, kind words spoken about my family.  I was able to see my sweet Matthew’s face in the power point and feel peace.  

And then, God spoke to my heart and it was beautiful.

As I was driving home from the presentation, I had the ah-ha moment.  

Chip and I have been so incredibly focused on saving children and families.  We desperately want to spare other parents and siblings the pain and loss our family has experienced.  But this presentation on the ‘Butterfly Effect’ made me think of our work in a whole new way.  We believe we are saving children.  But the effects of what we do go far beyond that.  If we save a child, what will they then go on to do:

                Cure cancer?

                End world hunger?

                Be the next Billy Graham?

                What work will they do for THE Kingdom?

                How many lives do they save? 

                And what do those lives go on to do?

Y’all, I’m literally crying sitting here thinking about this.  

What great things will happen (far beyond what I ever imagined) from the brief eleven year life of Matthew Kenneth Bellamy and the choices made after his death???

Please do not think I am saying any of this out of pride or for attention and praise.  That is the last thing I want and that is why I have hesitated to write this post.  I am writing so that you will see the goodness, the greatness, and the love of God.  He has called my family to an unimaginable task, but HE has not left us alone for one single millisecond.  HE is with us every moment. 

HE was there when

Chip received that horrible phone call

When we buried our baby

When we nearly gave up on our marriage

When we felt the call to start the Matthew Project

When we wonder if any of our work matters

When people are mean and hurtful

When we feel like we just can’t keep doing this

When we are way outside our comfort zone (like writing this post!)

When we miss Matthew until it physically hurts

And HE was there in that room as someone spoke of my family being inspirational.  HE was providing inspiration and encouragement that I desperately needed.  HE was giving me a reward for obedience.  

I know my ultimate reward doesn’t come until I get to Heaven, when I see my Savior and my Matthew.  But I am so incredibly grateful for a humbling, overwhelming experience that gave me just a small glance of the GREAT things God can do through two ordinary, unprepared, everyday people like Chip and Mylissa Bellamy; two grieving, broken parents. 
If HE can use us, HE can use anybody…

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

~Galatians 6:9

What will you do today that will have a 

‘Butterfly Effect’ on tomorrow???