Never Stop Praying

About a year ago, I read a book called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.  Earlier this year, I followed up with Draw The Circle, a 40 day prayer challenge, written by the same author.  These two books have radically changed my prayer life and taught me to pray in a much bolder way.  I kept a prayer journal while doing the 40 day challenge.  Since that time, my precious little writing time has been spent in that journal.  While God often brings a variety of people or things to my heart to pray about, I have noticed three distinct themes in my written prayers.  

The first is the Matthew Project.  For quite some time, Chip and I felt a little "stuck" in what we were doing.  We began to ask God for direction.  We both know there is more we are supposed to be doing, but for a long time we were honestly clueless.  God is beginning to show us a direction and open a few doors.  We are boldly praying about two very specific things and waiting to see what God is going to do.  It is really neat to be able to look into my prayer journal and literally see the way my prayers are being answered for the work of the project.  But even as God is beginning to reveal some things to us, I have to remind myself to stay faithful in prayerfully seeking HIS direction. 

The second area is a very personal issue and I cannot share details of it.  It's something that Chip and I both want God to specifically tell us what to do, but that hasn't happened yet.  What I can see in my journal is God continually telling me to do nothing.  He has not stopped assuring me that this is not my battle, it is HIS.  He repeatedly brings Exodus 14:14 to me as a reminder: 

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (NIV)

So even though I want God to give me a specific action to take, I know HE is telling me to do nothing and let HIM take care of it.  My human side doesn't like that, but I am trying to faithfully obey.  And again, it's really neat to see the progression of these prayers in my prayer journal.

The third area however is a much different story and it's very frustrating.  The third consistent theme I can see in my journal is written prayers and pleadings for our son Will.  And most days, I honestly feel like I am beating my head against the wall.  God is not answering my prayers in the way I want HIM to or in the time frame that I want HIM to.  Quite honestly, there are days that I wonder if my prayers for Will matter at all.  I just don't understand what God is allowing in the life of my son.  Since Matthew's death Will has struggled, greatly.  As his momma, it has been heartbreaking and I so desperately want God to intervene and do something God-sized in the life of my child.  That's the human side of me and I am currently enduring a great struggle between my heart and my head.  My heart hurts for my child.  My head knows that there are things I cannot see and there are things I do not know - God is up to something.  I am reminded that no matter how much I love my son (and it is a lot!), God loves him so much more.  My love for Will is only a tiny speck when compared with God's great and vast love for him.  So even though I cannot see a response to my prayers, I am trusting that God is at work on Will's behalf.  When I feel completely defeated and I want to give up, I remind myself that God does hear my prayers.  I believe that God does and will honor the prayers of a faithful mother and I turn to this verse as a prayer guide:

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)

This verse reminds me to never stop praying.  I now realize that when my children were younger, I did not pray the right way for them.  I prayed for their salvation and I prayed for their general protection, but I did not pray effective, sustaining prayers.  I did not pray for protection from evil.  Evil is real and present in this world and I have seen it at work in the life of my son for the last four years.  I can't change the past.  I can't go back in time and pray for my son to be protected from the attacks of Satan.  I can't change what has happened in his life.

But I can pray for God to move in a mighty way in his life now.  I can pray for God to take what the devil intended for harm and use it for good (Genesis 50:20).  I cannot see what God is doing, but I am choosing to trust that HE is up to something.  There are days that my sweet hubby has to remind me of that, but I will not stop praying and I will not give up hope.

I know there are other mommas out there who feel the same way.  You wonder if God hears your prayers for your children.  You sometimes don't understand what is happening and you get frustrated.  I want to encourage you...NEVER STOP PRAYING!  I believe it is the greatest gift we can give our children.  And as their mommas, we can pray for them like no one else.  There is no love like a mother's for her child and I believe there is no prayer like a mother's for her child. 

So mommas (and daddies, grandmas, and grandpas too) I am challenging you to join me in praying this scripture over our children:

The Armour of God
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV) 

HE does hear us.   
Never stop praying.  

It's Been a Little Crazy 'Round Here

WOW! That's all I can say about the month of January.
Just Wow!

We began the month with North Myrtle Beach Mayor, Marilyn Hatley and the City Council issuing a proclamation declaring January as Gun Safety Month.

It was a great honor to receive this and have the work we are doing in Matthew's memory officially recognized in NMB.  To celebrate the month, I did a heavy focus on teaching the Eddie Eagle Gun Safety Program to local children in area day cares, preschools, private schools and churches.  The proclamation also led to an unexpected TV interview.  GOD IS GOOD!

It was amazing to see so many children learning what to do if they find a gun: STOP, DON'T TOUCH, LEAVE THE AREA, and TELL AN ADULT.  I really loved sharing our story and this program, but it took a toll on me.  I soon found myself without a voice and then sick.  Non-the-less, it was completely worth it!  I have had SO many parents tell me their kids have recited those steps over and over and over to them.  GOD IS GOOD!

As I was doing all this, we were also planning for our annual, BIG fundraiser; a Chicken Bog dinner and Silent Auction.  Our volunteers are awesome and they worked so hard at getting items in for the auction.  But, as we got closer to the January 29th event, the forecast for that day was getting worse and worse (and my stress level was going up and up!).  Three days before the event, we had to make the decision to postpone it by two days until the 31st.  I was so disappointed. I knew that there was NO way to have it on the 29th, but I also knew that moving it at the last minute was going to affect turn out.  We ended up with three days of icy roads and four days of cancelled school, but by 4:30 on January, 31st, the roads were clear and we DID have an great event.  

I think cabin fever had set in and everyone was ready to get out.  Profits were not what I had originally hope for but I absolutely CANNOT complain.  We're still collecting on a few final silent auction items, but our profits should come in around the $10,000 mark!  The Matthew Project has been blessed again, and I thank God!!

It's really difficult to put the month of January and what it meant to us in words.  January is a very hard month.  The 22nd marked four years since we lost our sweet Matthew.  I still miss him more everyday.  I think about him everyday.  I wonder how tall he would be, what his voice would sound like, would his hair still be soooooooo blonde...

The list is endless.

Yet having this work in the month of January, having an intentional focus on gun safety in our home town helps ease the pain.  The hope that we are saving children through the work of the Matthew Project keeps us going.  January was a long, tough month.  The emotional and physical strain was real.  But it was so worth it. 

THANK YOU to everyone who helped us this month.  Your prayers, words of encouragement, donations and love do not go unnoticed.  We are very blessed.  

So yep, it's been a little crazy 'round here, but it was worth every crazy, frustrating, stressful moment. 

little bitty me, great BIG God

Have you seen it yet???

/

It's our new billboard for the Matthew Project.  But for me, it's so much more...

You see, I've prayed for this billboard, in this spot for over two years.  I was told financially, the project couldn't afford it yet.  But I did not give up.  I believed that this sign was supposed to be here.  So I did the only thing I knew to do...PRAY!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

~Philippians 4:6

It wasn't something I prayed for everyday, but it was something I prayed for faithfully.  And God answered in a mighty way.  HE provided this billboard at a cost the project can afford.  HE put the right people in place to make it happen.  When I drive by it, I am still amazed at how HE answered my prayer. On my own I was powerless to make this happen. But with God...

ALL things are possible!

~Matthew 19:26

What are you facing right now?  What situation seems impossible for you?  You might be small in comparison to the problem, but God isn't.  I encourage you to pray, faithfully, believing that God will answer. 

Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

~John 16:24 

My billboard story might seem silly to you.  To me it's prove of God's greatness. I wanted this to happen so desperately for our ministry.  I wanted our message in this location, where parent's will see it taking their kids to school.  I wanted people to remember Matthew's accident and be cautious with their kids.  And I trusted God to make it happen.  HE did, in HIS perfect timing!

Did I mention that the same week this went up, Matthew's story received it's first national press coverage???  Yes indeed, our story is featured in May's issue of Parent's Magazine in an article on gun safety.  See what I mean about God's perfect timing?  I did this interview in 2011.  It was printed when God knew the time was right.

I believe in the work Chip and I are doing in Matthew's memory.  I also believe God is in control of it.  Without HIM, little bitty me is powerless.  With my great BIG God...great things are happening!

Praise God from whom all blessing flow!

In ALL Circumstances

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

~1 Thessalonians 5:18

I feel like I should have something profound to say. But, I don't.
How does someone do what happened in Newtown, CT yesterday?
How can we live in a world where this is possible?
Why did this happen at Christmas?
Why so many children?
These are just a few of the questions that are running through my brain.
And I have no answers...

And the events of yesterday have stirred up so many things inside of me. Feelings that I keep buried. Feelings that God and I have to deal with a little bit at a time. I've cried and cried and cried some more for 20 families I do not know.

Unfortunately, I do know what it feels like to send your child to school and never see them alive again. I do know what it feels like to wonder how much pain they were in and if they suffered. I do know what it's like to know that you will never have a single "normal "moment in your life again.  And I do know the long, painful road ahead of these families.  They may think this is the worst of it, but it's not. The worst comes when the shock wears off. The day you wake up and realize this is all real, that your child is really gone. THAT is the worst day.

I wish I could get on a plane, go to CT and hug each and every parent. I wish I could hold them individually and pray for them as only a parent who has been there can do.  My heart truly hurts for them. My mind just can't stop thinking about the pain these families are feeling.

As I tried to go to sleep last night, I was thinking of them. At that point, they knew in their hearts what had happened to their children, but it had not been "officially" confirmed.  They were waiting and waiting to hear the most horrific news you can hear. And suddenly I was filled with thanks.  Chip and I did not have to wait and wonder. We knew quickly what had happened to Matthew. Within a couple of hours, we were able to see and touch Matthew.  The parents in CT had to wait until today for that.  As hard as it was, we needed to see our son. We needed to touch him to even begin processing what was happening. Our suffering was real, still is real, but it could have been so much worse. Eventually we found out that Matthew did not suffer. We were able to hear an account of how he died and know that it was peaceful.  The parents in CT may never get that.  I can relate to some of what 20 families are going through, but in many ways, I have no idea. I thank God for HIS mercy and that HE showed it to us in the darkest moments of our lives.

I am hugging Will a little tighter. I know all parents are doing the same with their children. I thank God for him. I thank God that he makes me a little crazy (like only a teenager can!).  I thank God for his sense of humor, his smile and how he makes me laugh like no one else can.

Then tonight, the list of ages and names was released. It occurred to me, it's more than 20 mommas and daddies. The adults killed were so young. Most of them probably have living parents who are facing the unthinkable as well.

So much heartache. And yet I remember...

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

~Romans 8:28 

What the good from this will be...I HAVE NO IDEA! But THE Great and Mighty Savior does have a plan. This I KNOW.

So while we ache for these families and the questions remain, I urge all believers:

Do not just say you are praying for these families and this community, DO IT! You have no idea how powerful the prayers of brothers and sisters of Christ are for grieving parents. This is the time to pray without ceasing. When I could not find any words to say to God, I knew somewhere out there, someone could find the words and was praying for my family.  It's the simplest, yet most powerful thing we can do to help.  Praise God, we can do something, we can make a difference.