Sometimes, Dreams Do Come True

Over the last few years I have had to let go of several hopes and dreams in my life. Most of those have related to my children...

Matthew's death, Will's struggles and choices as a result of Matthew's death, and a failed adoption have all resulted in a broken heart, broken dreams, and a struggle for hope. With each lost dream, a little piece of me died. At times, it has been a real struggle to keep going. I've battled through depression and had to dig deep into my faith for strength over and over again.

But through it all, God has been unwavering. HE has been faithful. HE has never left my side. Even when I have questioned HIM and wondered where HE is, I have known deep in my heart that HE was with me.

Right now, I am in a struggle to trust in HIS timing. I want HIM to answer some things for me - right now! 

But HE is not answering me in my time (Can you hear my giant sigh???).

I trust that HE will answer me though...in HIS time.

And in today's mail, I received a reminder of why I must trust in HIS timing.

Just before the start of my Junior year at Columbia College, in the summer of 1992, my parents and I made the decision that it was best for our family if I did not return to school at that time. It was not a decision that came easily. I love school (yes, I'm a nerd like that) and I had worked really, really hard during my first two years in college. But we all knew that due finances and some things going on in our family, I needed to be home. So I tearfully called my beloved roommate and told her I would not be back. 

I never looked back. I worked in the family business until it eventually closed, I married my high-school sweetheart (whom I still adore!) and we began a family of our own. I've never regretted my decision and I've never called it a mistake.

But deep in my heart there was always a longing to finish my degree. 

Chip and I discussed it several times over the years, but the time never seemed "right". As our boys grew older, I knew that my dream of being a college graduate would likely never come true. With two children to put through college, I thought it was completely foolish and selfish for me to even consider the idea.

And then came January 22, 2010.

Matthew died.

And everything changed.

There was only one child to put through college.

But as time painfully passed by and our son Will began to make some poor choices, Chip and I simply prayed for him to finish high school. It became obvious to both of us that he would not be attending college right now. There were just too many issues.

So then, there were no children to put through college.

At that point, it had been many years since I had even thought of going back to school. I hadn't necessarily forgotten my dream, it just was buried under a lot of other issues and baggage.

But God had not forgotten my dream, not for one tiny second. 

In the fall of 2012, 20 years after leaving Columbia College, I was sitting at a Women of Faith conference in Charlotte, NC with some of my closest friends. Liberty University just happened to have a booth in the vendor area. While sitting in an arena filled with thousands of women, I heard the gentle voice of God tell me to "Go". HE quietly led me to that Liberty University booth on the concourse - and revived a dream I had let go of many years earlier. Two days later I had my first conversation with the admissions office and just like that...a dream I had long ago tucked away had new life.

GO GOD!

I began online classes through Liberty in January 2013. I've worked straight through with no summer breaks. Most of my semesters were full time course loads - with 12 hours of classes. I've cried more tears of frustration and wanted to quit more times than I care to admit. But with the help of God and the never ending encouragement of my husband...

I DID IT!!!

Yep, that's me. Twenty years after I originally planned...I am a college graduate!!!

And you want to know what else God did just to show off a little???

Not only did HE lead me to an amazing university and give me the perserverance to get through, look at what's on the bottom of that glorious diploma:

Do you see those words "Summa Cum Laude"???

Not only did God get me through, HE helped me do it "with highest honors"! 

And trust me - me graduating with honors is nothing but God alone!

So, for today I am going to enjoy this. I am going to celebrate my accomplishment. I have worked harder at this than just about anything else in my life. And I've done it under some extremely stressful and challenging conditions. I have no idea what God plans to do with this degree, but I know HE has a plan. HE has been in this since day one. My prayer throughout my second college journey is that HE would be glorified. And I continue to pray that whatever is next, HE will be glorified.

Today, I received my long awaited diploma in the mail.

Today, I am celebrating.

And today, I say "Go me!"

And while I'm waiting for HIM to answer some of my current prayers, I hope this will continue to remind me to trust in HIS timing. 

HE just answered a prayer and a dream that laid dormant in my heart for 20 long years - through countless changes that included both amazing mountain top experiences and unthinkable heartbreak. 

But as my life changed through those 20 years, HE did not: 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
~Hebrews 13:8

I serve a mighty, mighty God and there is nothing HE cannot do.
I just have to remember to trust in HIS perfect timing.

I'm Not Feeling It, But...

Last November I shared with you how hard this time of year is for me.  I miss Matthew terribly during Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It seems as if everything around me reminds me that a piece of my heart is gone forever.

I know November is a time to be thankful and count our blessings, but honestly, most days I'm just not feeling it.

But I am reminded of God’s word:

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

~1 Thessalonians 5:18

So I am choosing to do something different this year. 

I am choosing to be thankful for the many gifts and blessings that have come because of the loss of my son.   

God has provided many things that would not be if Matthew had not died.  So even though I would much rather have my son, I am thankful for what God has provided in Matthew’s absence. 

NEW FRIENDSHIPS: There are some beautiful women in my life who were mere acquaintances four years ago.  These women have become trusted sisters in Christ and trusted prayer warriors for my family.  While some people (even family members) are afraid of my grief, rarely mention Matthew’s name and simply cannot deal with the reality that is my life, these women have jumped in the trenches with me.  They laugh with me on the good days and hold me as I cry on the really hard days.  They are a blessing and have served as the literal hands and feet of God at times. 

THE MATTHEW PROJECT: When Chip and I felt led to start our nonprofit, we truly had no idea what would become of it.  We did not know if there was a need.   We did not know if we would do this for a few weeks, months or years.  I now think I will run this organization for a very long time.  This year, I have seen some amazing things happen through the Matthew Project that could only have been orchestrated by God.  At the end of August, I was able to leave my job and dedicate myself to the project full time.  It is really neat to see the words of Romans 8:28 at work through the Matthew Project.  

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD: The struggles and darkness my family has faced has been indescribable.  The pain has been and is still really hard.  BUT, in facing these things and trusting God with them, I have a relationship with HIM that would not have been possible any other way.  And it is a beautiful relationship.  

LESSONS LEARNED: It is a daily choice to not be consumed.  It is a daily act of submission to HIS will.  It is a daily act of giving it all to HIM.  But I have learned HE is bigger than it ALL! 

SCHOOL: For many years I wanted to finish my degree, but never did anything about it.  It was just a dream.  My struggles have given me COURAGE that I never knew before.  One result of that courage is enrolling in Liberty University Online in January.  Some days, I wonder, “What was I thinking???”, but I am so glad I have taken this step and thankful for God leading me to it.

A VOICE:  God has given me a literal voice.  I pray that God uses our story to impact others for HIM.  I want to honor Matthew’s memory and God.  Early on in this journey, I realized that for that to happen, I had to physically speak and I was terrified.  I prayed for a voice because I knew I could not do it.  God answered and I pray that when I speak, HIS presence is felt.

  

A NEW PERSPECTIVE: Life. Is. Short.

Matthew made a huge impact in eleven short years.  He did so by genuinely caring about others, showing love to them and making the most of every moment.  I want that for my life.  He is my inspiration!

THIS BLOG:  God told me (over and over and over again!) that I was supposed to be writing and sharing with other women.  I told HIM "no" (over and over and over again!).  Obviously, I eventually gave in.  I am still very uncomfortable with this.  But I thank HIM for using our story and my struggles again to help others.  I believe that when we are transparent and share our stories, good and bad, we encourage each other.  Life is hard.  Ladies, we need each other!!!

JOY: Yes, Joy.  I have learned that joy is a choice.  God calls HIS children to live a life of joy.  In the book of James we are even told to count our trials as joy:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,  whenever you face trials of many kinds.

~James 1:2 

 So to me, joy is not about the condition of my circumstances, it’s about the condition of my heart.  It is about the focus of my heart.  And through the loss of my son, I have found the source of true joy.  The world cannot provide anything that even comes close to the joy of Christ.

So yes, I need you prayers right now.  This is an incredibly hard time of the year.  I will miss seeing him play football with his cousins on Thanksgiving Day terribly.  

I will miss my little ball of energy, with his great big smile, bouncing around full of Christmas Spirit. 

   

But I will reflect on these blessings.  And I will praise God.

Thank you for allowing me to share my blessings with you tonight.  My heart was heavy today.  This time of reflection has lightened my load.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families. Treasure your moments together.  

And I pray that you can give thanks in all circumstances. 

~Mylissa

I'm Back...

Well…

It has been a while!

I have been b.u.s.y.!!!

Remember a few months ago when I wrote about time?!?!??? 

(and being too busy)

Turns out, God had me study and prepare that lesson for myself! 

(Gotta love it when HE does something like that!)

So yes, I have been very, very busy.  

And God has been very busy in my life too.

As many of you know, I went back to school in January.  I am working to finish my undergraduate degree through Liberty University online.  AND…I LOVE it!!!  Don’t get me wrong.  Going back to college after a 20+ year break is hard. Really, really hard.  But I am enjoying the challenge.  I have wanted to finish my degree for such a long time.  Realistically it seemed impossible and I never even researched the possibility.  It was just a dream and I thought it would never be anything more.  But while sitting at a Women of Faith event last November, I felt God leading me to visit the Liberty University booth.  I walked to that booth with no plan, but I knew God was leading me.  By January, the financial aid was in place and I began classes.  So here I am…working towards a degree in Psychology for Christian Counseling.  And it’s definitely a God-thing!!!

Another major change for our family…

Last winter, shortly after starting classes, Chip and I felt God leading us to another unexpected change.   Several times, we had talked about and dreamed about me being able to work for the Matthew Bellamy Project full time.  Like going back to school, it seemed like a distant dream.  But during our prayer time, we began to feel God leading us to do just that.  So we continued to pray, and pray, and pray some more about it.  By the time spring rolled around, we were certain it was the next step for our family.  So, at the end of August, I left my job (that I love) and began to work for the Matthew Project (which I also love!) full time.  Another God-thing!!!

We are truly walking by faith right now!

I am asking for your prayers (again!).  Chip and I are trying so hard to follow where God leads and the devil continues to challenge us.  But my God is bigger than any obstacle or scheme the evil one can fathom.  I trust in HIM.

I also turned forty last week.

My thirty-something years were rough, so I’m looking forward to a new decade in my life.  

Thank you for continuing to love and care for my family.

So many of you have become the literal hands and feet of God to us and we love you!!!

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

~Philippians 3:14