I feel like I should have something profound to say. But, I don't.Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.~1 Thessalonians 5:18
How does someone do what happened in Newtown, CT yesterday?
How can we live in a world where this is possible?
Why did this happen at Christmas?
Why so many children?
These are just a few of the questions that are running through my brain.
And I have no answers...
And the events of yesterday have stirred up so many things inside of me. Feelings that I keep buried. Feelings that God and I have to deal with a little bit at a time. I've cried and cried and cried some more for 20 families I do not know.
Unfortunately, I do know what it feels like to send your child to school and never see them alive again. I do know what it feels like to wonder how much pain they were in and if they suffered. I do know what it's like to know that you will never have a single "normal "moment in your life again. And I do know the long, painful road ahead of these families. They may think this is the worst of it, but it's not. The worst comes when the shock wears off. The day you wake up and realize this is all real, that your child is really gone. THAT is the worst day.
I wish I could get on a plane, go to CT and hug each and every parent. I wish I could hold them individually and pray for them as only a parent who has been there can do. My heart truly hurts for them. My mind just can't stop thinking about the pain these families are feeling.
As I tried to go to sleep last night, I was thinking of them. At that point, they knew in their hearts what had happened to their children, but it had not been "officially" confirmed. They were waiting and waiting to hear the most horrific news you can hear. And suddenly I was filled with thanks. Chip and I did not have to wait and wonder. We knew quickly what had happened to Matthew. Within a couple of hours, we were able to see and touch Matthew. The parents in CT had to wait until today for that. As hard as it was, we needed to see our son. We needed to touch him to even begin processing what was happening. Our suffering was real, still is real, but it could have been so much worse. Eventually we found out that Matthew did not suffer. We were able to hear an account of how he died and know that it was peaceful. The parents in CT may never get that. I can relate to some of what 20 families are going through, but in many ways, I have no idea. I thank God for HIS mercy and that HE showed it to us in the darkest moments of our lives.
I am hugging Will a little tighter. I know all parents are doing the same with their children. I thank God for him. I thank God that he makes me a little crazy (like only a teenager can!). I thank God for his sense of humor, his smile and how he makes me laugh like no one else can.
Then tonight, the list of ages and names was released. It occurred to me, it's more than 20 mommas and daddies. The adults killed were so young. Most of them probably have living parents who are facing the unthinkable as well.
So much heartache. And yet I remember...
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.~Romans 8:28
What the good from this will be...I HAVE NO IDEA! But THE Great and Mighty Savior does have a plan. This I KNOW.
So while we ache for these families and the questions remain, I urge all believers:
Do not just say you are praying for these families and this community, DO IT! You have no idea how powerful the prayers of brothers and sisters of Christ are for grieving parents. This is the time to pray without ceasing. When I could not find any words to say to God, I knew somewhere out there, someone could find the words and was praying for my family. It's the simplest, yet most powerful thing we can do to help. Praise God, we can do something, we can make a difference.
