I have hesitated to write this post. I never want to appear as though I am seeking praise for the work we do through the Matthew Project. It started out as something Chip and I felt we had to do. We needed to make Matthew’s death matter by trying to save other children. And, God has blessed our efforts, tremendously. But the truth still remains, no matter how much good comes from our work, I would rather have my son. And that my friends, will never change. I am a mom, and given the choice, I would choose to have my son alive and well.
But, that is not how God has written my story. And so, our work continues…
As I said, Chip and I felt we had to start the project. We
needed to tell Matthew’s story, make sure other parents knew the risks, and
educate children on firearm safety. It
honestly was a survival mechanism to start with. We had to make something positive come from
losing our child.
And then, it changed.
It became a passion, a mission and a calling. God was in fact calling us to something far
bigger than ourselves. Bigger than
anything we had ever imagined. And it
has taken me way out of my comfort
zone!
There is a risk in being open and public about our
story. Guns are a controversial subject. And even though we are not responsible for
Matthew’s death, there are stupid people in the world.
And you canNOT
fix stupid.
We met one of those people last weekend. He was rude to one of the ladies working our
booth. Chip tried to speak to him and
explain the heart of our mission. The
man refused to listen…and said something horrible to my husband. Honestly, I don’t know how Chip didn’t punch
the man…it was that bad! This man made an assumption, assumed we left a gun out that killed our child,
and said something way out of line. Yes, this man has a right to feel however he
wants about his rights to have his gun unsecured, but he did not have the right to speak to Chip the
way he did. I saw the hurt on my hubby’s
face. And I saw God give him the self-control
to walk away from a situation that could have gotten really ugly.
You may wonder why I’m sharing this.
I’m doing it so you will understand how important the rest
of this post is.
We don’t get to see the rewards of the work we do through
the Matthew Project. We have given away
thousands of gun locks, but we don’t know how many of them are actually
used. We don’t have a list of children
that have actually not been shot because we gave away a gun lock. We don’t know how many parents don’t get
divorced because their child didn’t die and their family wasn’t destroyed.
We just do our work and pray…
My mom always tells me when we get to Heaven; God will have
a list of the children and families we saved.
But that doesn’t help when we encounter folks like “Mr. Rudeness” from
last weekend. He wasn’t the first and he
won’t be the last. It is part of the
risk, part of what we endure to share our story. People are passionate about their guns. It get that…I am married to one of those
people!
But when someone doesn’t listen to what we are saying,
when they don’t hear that we are gun safety not control (BIG
difference),
when they make
assumptions, it can get ugly…FAST.
But God is so infinitely good and so much bigger than the ugliness
and stupidity of this world.
And now, the part
of the story I have been hesitant to share…
A few weeks ago, God showed me a small glance of the good
that comes from the Matthew Project. HE
gave me a fabulous blessing.
A friend of ours was asked to speak for a group of peers…educators
in the Horry County School District. He
chose to speak on being inspirational, and he chose to use our story.
And I am still humbled and overwhelmed.
I do not do this
work for attention. I am learning to
seek opportunities for attention on our message,
but never attention for myself. The whole experience made me slightly
uncomfortable. But, by the time it was
over, I saw that God had given me a tremendous gift.
The beginning of the presentation on being inspirational
referred to a book by Andy Andrews called The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters. The description of the book is
as follows:
Did you know that one flutter of a
butterfly's wings could change weather patterns---and that the minor choices we
make could launch ripple effects into the future? Andrews's compelling story
about how one man's choice made over 100 years ago affects today's world will
inspire you to do the right thing---even when it's difficult.
It is a beautiful book that reminds readers how important
every move they make can be.
And then, it was tied into our family’s story.
The
loss of our beloved Matthew…
The
choices we could have made after his
death…
The way
our story could have been written…
And the
choice we made to not be destroyed and defeated.
We chose Faith, Hope and Love…
And it was a
choice.
I’ve said it before.
After the death of a child there comes a moment when you confront your
faith and decide it is either all
true or none of it is true. You know the choice for my family…
God is real and HE is good!
Now, back to my story…
I was able to attend this presentation on being inspirational. I was able to hear the ‘Butterfly Effect’
discussed. I was able to hear uplifting,
kind words spoken about my family. I was
able to see my sweet Matthew’s face in the power point and feel peace.
And then, God spoke to my heart and it was beautiful.
As I was driving home from the presentation, I had the ah-ha
moment.
Chip and I have been so incredibly focused on saving
children and families. We desperately
want to spare other parents and siblings the pain and loss our family has
experienced. But this presentation on
the ‘Butterfly Effect’ made me think of our work in a whole new way. We believe we are saving children. But the effects of what we do go far beyond
that. If we save a child, what will they
then go on to do:
Cure cancer?
End world
hunger?
Be the
next Billy Graham?
What
work will they do for THE Kingdom?
How
many lives do they save?
And what do those lives go on to do?
Y’all, I’m literally crying sitting here thinking about
this.
What great things will happen (far beyond what I ever
imagined) from the brief eleven year life of Matthew Kenneth Bellamy and the
choices made after his death???
Please do not think I am saying any of this out of pride or
for attention and praise. That is the
last thing I want and that is why I have hesitated to write this post. I am writing so that you will see the
goodness, the greatness, and the love of God.
He has called my family to an unimaginable task, but HE has not left us
alone for one single millisecond. HE is
with us every moment.
HE was there when
Chip received that horrible phone
call
When we buried our baby
When we nearly gave up on our
marriage
When we felt the call to start the
Matthew Project
When we wonder if any of our work
matters
When people are mean and hurtful
When we feel like we just can’t
keep doing this
When we are way outside our comfort
zone (like writing this post!)
When we miss Matthew until it
physically hurts
And HE was there in that room as someone spoke of my family
being inspirational. HE was providing inspiration
and encouragement that I desperately needed. HE was giving me a reward for obedience.
I know my ultimate reward doesn’t come until I get to
Heaven, when I see my Savior and my Matthew.
But I am so incredibly grateful for a humbling, overwhelming experience
that gave me just a small glance of the GREAT things God can do through two
ordinary, unprepared, everyday people like Chip and Mylissa Bellamy; two
grieving, broken parents.
If HE can use us, HE can use anybody…
If HE can use us, HE can use anybody…
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.~Galatians 6:9
What will you do today that will have a
‘Butterfly Effect’
on tomorrow???
